Of Affairs, Love, and Pain
by PolarisJ
Summary: The first time was an accident. The second time was after a stressful mission. Many times later, she ordered him not to love her. He didn't listen... Now, he has to deal with the pain. (one-shot)


**Because, I love pain and there's not enough fanfiction about this ship.**

 **Warning: paaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiinn**

 **-Polaris-**

The first time it happened, it was an accident. It was after a particularly difficult mission. Alone in the dark rec room, Jeffrey had been drinking for some time when she'd entered, already drunk. She'd looked at him, muttered something unintelligible, then sat next to him on the couch. She'd held out the half empty scotch bottle when she noticed his own beer bottles were empty. He'd thanked her before taking a big gulp.

They'd sat in the darkness until the scotch bottle was finished, silently giving each other comfort. That's when she started talking. They were both drunk and out of it. One thing had led to another and then they were stumbling into her room, kissing feverishly and trying to get off their clothes as fast as possible.

"Daisy," he'd gasped out when her hands reached inside his pants.

She'd moaned back in response as she pressed her body against his.

The next morning, he'd woken up in her bed, groaning at the pain in his head until he realized he wasn't in his room. As he took in his surroundings, everything dawned on him. He'd mentally cursed before moving to put on his clothes. She'd woken up as he was buttoning his shirt, realizing what happened quicker than he had.

"This never happened, and it will never happen," she'd said before he even opened his mouth.

He understood what she was going through, and he would respect her wishes. He'd nodded his head silently before leaving her room to head to his.

 **-Polaris-**

The second time was a couple of weeks later. They were both completely sober that time.

It was after another difficult mission, this one worse than the one before. She'd been tense the whole time after and terribly needed release. She'd headed to his office late at night, fiddling from foot to foot as she knocked on his door.

"Come in," his voice had sounded, the same hint of joy present in his voice as always.

She couldn't understand how he could remain as joyful as he is, even after all the things he's seen with them.

He'd been leaning on the front of his desk, half sitting on it, half standing. He'd looked exhausted, yet, there on his face was the ever present smile.

"Agent Johnson," he'd breathed out, "is there anything wrong?"

She'd stared at his face and slightly tilted her head to the side. He'd frowned in confusion at her expression. She had then moved towards him and softly placed her lips on his own. It was so quick he didn't even have time to respond. He'd breathed out a sigh once she'd pulled back, opening his eyes slowly to gaze upon her own. He'd then placed whatever file he was holding on his desk before giving her his full attention.

She'd kissed him again, more passionately, more hungry, and he knew exactly what she wanted. He didn't deny her, he'd wanted it too. They'd gone to his room this time as it was closer.

The next morning, she'd woken up and put her clothes on without a word. He'd watched from the bed as she turned to him, nodded silently then headed to the door. It was clear to him, this was a no-strings-attached sort of thing.

 **-Polaris-**

"Ah... fuck... Daisy," Mace groaned as Daisy finished with a cry under him. He thrust harder for another moment before finishing himself. He collapsed next to her on the bed, breathing heavily.

After a few moments of catching their breaths, Daisy got off the bed to get dressed as Mace watched. There was a glint in his eyes and a weird look upon his face.

Daisy recognized that look, Lincoln had gazed at her like that a year ago. She frowned as she continued wearing her clothes. After she was done, she moved towards Mace on the bed. She leaned down and kissed him passionately, biting his lips as she did. He groaned and she pulled away.

"Don't fall in love with me," she ordered.

For some reason, he felt his chest tighten.

"I won't," he whispered.

It was apparently enough for her because she moved to the door and left without another word.

 **-Polaris-**

He was walking down the hall when he heard it, the sound of Daisy's amused voice, "Oh, really?"

Another voice reached his ears then, a man's voice.

"Yeah, really. You should try. Come out to dinner with me. You'll enjoy it, trust me"

Mace clenched his jaws and glared angrily at the agent as he entered the room, standing threateningly at his full height.

"Agent Marks, don't you have something to do?"

Jeffrey knew that Marks had things to do, he'd just assigned them to the agent.

"Uh... yeah... I'll go now, sir," Marks spoke before leaving quickly.

"What the hell, Jeffrey?!" Daisy exclaimed.

"What?"

"Don't you dare play stupid on me. You scared him out of the room. What the hell were you thinking?!"

"I... he was flirting with you"

"So?! What now? Are you jealous? Dammit. I thought I was clear. I don't want anything with feelings..."

Jeffrey's heart ached in his chest. He **was** jealous. Oh, no. Since when did he start getting jealous? Since when did he start feeling things for Daisy? He can't be falling for her. He can't...

"And I have none for you!" Mace interrupted Daisy, "I have no feelings for you! That's what you want, isn't it?! Then be happy, cause you have what you want!"

Mace took a deep breath before speaking again, "I gotta go. I have things to do"

 **-Polaris-**

"She lost a lot of blood. We did the best we could. Now, it's all up to her. Either she wills herself to recover and wake up, or she doesn't and slips into a coma. There's nothing more we can do"

"Alright. Thank you, Doctor Jacobs"

Mace sat down on the chair next to Daisy's bed. He looked like an absolute mess.

The mission had gone wrong, the extraction team didn't get to them on time, and Daisy had to suffer for it. He'd tried to protect her, but it was too late, and now there was a chance of her slipping into a coma...

He tried to imagine how SHIELD will be like without her, how his life would be like, and no matter how much he tried, it was all dull, all sad, all pain. He couldn't, for the life of him, imagine a happy thought. All he wanted was for Daisy to wake up. He wouldn't be able to withstand all this mess they call a life without her.

Wait... what?

Since when was it this way? It sure as hell wasn't from long ago, and it sure as hell wasn't recent either. What is this? What is he feeling? It can't be love. It just can't be. He couldn't wrap his head around this. What was happening to him?

Days passed and Daisy still didn't wake up. Mace kept on getting worse. He only left the room a few times, once to shower and change, the rest to go to the toilet.

Worry had planted itself in his gut. He found himself talking to Daisy more than once, willing her to wake up.

During his time by her bedside, he'd come to discover a very important piece of information. He loved Daisy. Jeffrey Mace was in love with Daisy Johnson, who had, time and again, ordered him not to.

It was ten days after Daisy was entered into the medical ward when Mace felt her hand twitch in his. He immediately jumped to her side and looked down at her, waiting for her to move or do anything.

"Too... bright..." Daisy groaned.

Mace quickly moved to turn off most of the lights before returning to her side.

"How are you feeling?" He asked quietly.

"I've got a major headache and my body hurts"

"Well, that's understandable. You almost died. You had me really worried"

Daisy scowled and looked up at him. She quietly observed his appearance.

His hair was a mess, he'd grown a stubble, he wasn't wearing a tie, or a jacket either. Actually, scratch that, he wasn't wearing his suit at all. He was wearing a loose t-shirt and sweatpants. He had dark bags under his eyes and looked damn tired.

"You didn't leave my bedside, did you?" She asked after a few moments in silence.

"Uh... w-why do you say that?"

Daisy lifted an eyebrow and looked at him, her whole expression shouting ' _really?_ '

"I... ok, fine. I did wait by your bedside for you. You really did worry me. I thought you were a goner..."

"Even if I was a goner, why would you care? We're not together"

"Dammit, Daisy! We might be just having sex, but that doesn't mean I don't care about you! You're my friend. Even before we started having an affair, you were my friend..."

Damn that was hard to say.

They both fell silent for a moment before Mace broke it.

"I better call the doctor and May and Coulson"

With that, he was out the door.

 **-Polaris-**

As time moved on, they continued with their affair, but no matter how much he tried not to, he found himself falling for her.

Jeffrey wasn't an idiot, he knew she didn't share his feelings. He saw it in the way her eyes were devoid of any emotion other than lust and hunger, in the way she so quickly took off his clothes and hers, in the way she acted so professionally the day after. She didn't love him. She wouldn't love him.

He knew about Lincoln, he'd read all the reports on the guy. Lincoln was a good man, but Jeffrey couldn't help but dislike and envy him.

Jeffrey knew he could never replace Lincoln. Everyone loved him. May approved of him, Coulson liked him, Fitzsimmons still miss him, Mack mentions him with a smile and Yo-Yo prays for him. As for Daisy, Jeffrey knew she still wasn't over Lincoln, and he suspected she never will. He knew he could never take Lincoln's place in her heart. He knew she could never love him like she loved Lincoln. He knew she would always love Lincoln. He knew he was only second best. He knew he would never really mean anything to her. He knew that he was battling a ghost, and that ghost was winning.

More than once, he'd been reminded of it. He was reminded of it during the nights she slept in his arms. Physically, she was there; mentally, she was with _him_. He was reminded of it when she cried in her sleep, whimpering out _his_ name again and again. He was reminded of it when he spied her using _his_ picture as a book marker.

Jeffrey felt his heart ache in his chest every time he was reminded of that fact. He meant nothing more than what he offered between his legs and he knew it. The whole ordeal had taken a toll on him but he wouldn't say a thing.

He won't complain. He won't confess his love. He won't push her away. He won't stop loving her. He'll let her have her way with him, no matter how much it hurt him. Because, whether it was for good or bad, whether it mattered or not, he loved her, and he always will.

 **-Polaris-**

 **So... Yeah... I think that's enough pain for now.**


End file.
